When we fall in love, there is this building up of an image of our significant other, and even when things turn sour, that image of “the one” lingers in our heads, reminding us that if only it all were different, things would be okay. Still, there’s always a fine line between trying to make it work, and giving up the relationship as a bad job, altogether.
Truly, nobody likes to break-up (unless they’re sadistic or masochistic). And as exciting as the beginning of a relationship is, the end is always that much more regrettable. But even so, if you notice any of the following signs, then you should know it’s time to finish it off.
Never keeps promises
Imagine it’s the evening of a formal office party or a family event and you’re supposed to attend with your partner. You’ve already RSVP-ed. You arrive early, but without warning, your significant other calls and cancels on you. Meanwhile, your boss or family elder comes up to you and enquiries about the whereabouts of your partner that you promised would be there.
Or imagine a scenario where you’ve spent all day making a very romantic meal for you and your partner, but without a legitimate reason, they cancel. Or worse, don’t even bother to let you know that they won’t be coming.
If either or both of those situations are familiar to you, and this behaviour of your partner is becoming frequent, you should know that it’s time to break-up.
Your soon-to-be-ex is displaying a particular disregard for your time and their commitment to you. You deserve better.
No longer asks about your day
Once upon a time, you’d have conversations about who you saw, what you did, and how you felt. Today, your conversation is restricted to superficial current events, or worse— the weather. Far from asking about how your big meeting/exam went, your partner doesn’t even know that you even had a meeting/exam.
As a relationship progresses, a couple should, ideally, be freer about opening themselves up to each other, rather than running out of things to say.
If your partner does not care enough to be interested in your personal life, then obviously, the relationship is headed towards break-up central.
Has too much regret
No conversation can be had without it escalating into a fight. Even if it’s something as simple as picking a restaurant for dinner. You barely agree on anything, and the argument always ends the same way, with one or both of you, slamming doors.
After the fight, the two of you come out of your anger— resigned and unhappy. Between screaming and silence, you relationship barely exists.
Fighting is healthy, it means that there is something you’re not ready to let go of, however, if the cycle of fighting-then-making-up is all you and your partner do, then say goodbye.
Guilts you into sex
This is possibly the most obvious sign that it’s time to break-up. If between the fighting and the non-communicating, you feel like you’re still compelled to sleep with your significant other, it’s time to end your relationship.
Even as a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you do not ‘owe’ sex to your partner. If your partner mocks you about leaving them ‘high and dry’ or any other taunt implying that they’re willing to have sex with you, but not be nice to you, you should know that you’ve already wasted too much time of your life with this person.
A relationship is not like a balance sheet. You do not calculate the present based on the collateral of the past. You and your partner both need to leave old arguments alone and not be held accountable for the one time you were wrong seven years ago.
If your partner is keeping a score between who has been right more often, or who’s ‘winning’, then what they need is a tennis or chess partner, not a life partner.
It is not easy to love some, but truly, it doesn’t have to be this hard. Know your worth, and don’t be afraid to lose someone who is becoming toxic in your life.